Review: Taco Bell Drink Holder

Rating: 1/10

Purchase: Taco Bell

I have forgiven Taco Bell for the destruction of its menu. Even the counting of hot sauce packets when requesting them. Fine. No more 10 milds for a my two bean burritos! I get it. Times are tough.

Hell, I've moved past the Taco Bell Chihuahua issue. To clarify, I wasn't upset about the dog. I was upset she went away!

But today, I don't know if I can forgive them.

I ordered food for myself and my family. Two Discovery Luxe Boxes and two bean burritos. The Luxe Box consisted of a medium fountain drink, Naked Chicken Chalupa, Cheesy Bean and Rice Burrito, Crunchy Taco, Chips and Nacho Cheese sauce. The drinks were a Diet Pepsi and Baja Blast.

The drive thru attendant was kind enough to ask if I wanted a drink holder. I only had two, but it was just me in the car so I said yes.

The Diet Pepsi and Baja Blast immediately fell into my lap, toppling from the drink holder like dominoes. It was absurd. I could only laugh. The Taco Bell guy asked if I wanted a new one but luckily the drink lids were designed better than the holder. Only a splash of Baja Blast escaped into my lap.

I picked the cups up and put them back in the holder, assuming they were not set in there correctly. I moved the drink holder to the floorboard on the passenger side, and they fell over again! I took them out and placed them in the car cup holders.

When I got home I realized that the drink holders were made poorly. They were shallow and wide. The medium cup dropped into the holder, but it lacked grip. Likely because there was no tightness around the bottom of the cups. Perhaps if I had gotten the large they would have fit. But wouldn't any designer know to keep the cup sizes towards the bottom consistent so they could all fit in the Taco Bell drink holder or at the very least, a car's cup holder?

I fear I am losing my mind.

If the sizes of the cups are so drastic, shouldn't the drink holder still be deep and tight, while being flexible enough to take varying sizes? Or is the assumption that all drinks are going to be large? I assume that a fair amount of multi-drink orders are from families with a variety of human sizes, ranging from baby to elder adult.

This also assumes that a large would fit as well. I am skeptical.

Taco Bell has been on a decline. Slowly. Slower than other fast food places, but there isn't the excitement of Taco Bell like their used to be. It was a teenager's paradise with its cheap food and non-clown environment. But lately, it's just been a place to get food and leave. And really just to rotate into usual weekly runs when we're too tired to make something.

The magic is fading. It relies on nostalgia more than it should. Looking to the past to hook millennials with long gone food rather than exciting us with new creations. This year is the Throwback Menu. Two years ago it was the Decades Menu. How boring.

When was the last time something great came from Taco Bell? I can only think of the Dorito Taco. Very cool but old hat at this point. I'm sorry. We are silly, novelty loving creatures who want both staples and the new. Taco Bell, you have your staples. Tacos, burritos, they are not going anywhere. But where is the excitement of creation?

Maybe it's just laziness and capitalism. Keep rotating the old until it's ground into dust. Do the bare minimum. Make a drink holder that can't hold a medium drink to save its life. A drink holder that makes you question why you're spending your money on shitty food that's only grown in price and dropping in quality. Why Taco Bell? Why McDonald's? Why Burger King? Why any of it?

The world is falling to part. The drinks are spilled. And we are paying for it.

Maybe we should just do ourselves a favor and stay home. At least our laps will be Baja Blast free.